AP- In a meeting held outside Paris yesterday, international journalists
discussed Ken Collins' treatment of a small "mixed-breed" dog that was
"humping" his leg. "Heck," said Ken after startled journalists reacted to
his unorthodox methods, "he jest wanted a little lovin'!"
Experts said that the "Ken Method" of curtailing unwanted sexual
behavior was sure to backfire, and would work only temporarily. "Eventually
he'll come back for more," said one scientist, from the University of
Wisconsin-Madison, who wished to remain anonymous. "And when he does - look
out - his little GABA receptors'll be hummin'!" When asked about the role of
GABA (gamma amino butyric acid; pronounced gammaaminobutyricacid) he
replied. "Whaddaya got rocks in your head? Are they conscious? Maybe just a
leeetle bit, I think. Anyway, I suggest squirting him with a mixture of
ibogaine and GVG. That oughta fix his little wagon!"
After spraying Mr. Collins with the mixture, provided by a
"Shaman/pharmacologist" from Milwaukee, he (Collins) remained completely
motionless for nearly 36 hours, upon which he said "Wow!" and vomited. "Let'
s try that again! And this time I want it ICV!" said the still-hallucinating
Collins. "Hey! I know! I'm gonna go write a bunch of stuff for my fans on
Usenet!" he declared.
