Twas A Microbiology Christmas
auntie_biotic at tbandu.co.uk
Thu Dec 26 11:34:31 EST 2002
Very funny. I have written my own 12 days of Christmas about my medical
experience on my website. Be patient as it takes time to load and have your
"Latin Wolf" <wolf316 at latinwolf.org> wrote in message
news:aubjeh$2kk$0 at pita.alt.net...
> Subject: A Microbiology Christmas :-)
> From: yersinia at CYBERNEX.NET
> Date: 1997/12/15
> Newsgroups: bionet.microbiology
> Holiday Greetings to my fellow Microbiologists, Students and Microbiology
> It's that time of the year once again...so I'd like to ask the squeamish
> those who lack a really bizarre sense of humor to hit their"delete" keys
> and read no further. For those of you who are new (subscribed to this
> newsgroup after I originally posted it on 12/16/96, you will find the Mad
> Scientist version of "The Night Before Christmas." To paraphrase my
> "disclaimer" from last year: These are on the sick side (to say the very
> least) but it all started on a dare from my husband (then boyfriend) in
> 1995. I predict that some of you will think they're too psycho, but others
> of you will enjoy them. I'll take my chances that you'll all think I'm
> and I hope you enjoy reading and singing these as much as I enjoyed
> (1) A Mad Scientist Christmas
> Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house,
> Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse.
> The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed,
> The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose.
> The oven kept warm the ebola and pox,
> I still need to locate my husband's clean socks...
> But that has to wait till tomorrow, I know;
> My buggies still need that much more time to grow.
> When from the kitchen came a massive explosion,
> I leapt from my bed in perpetual motion.
> Grabbing my lab coat I pulled on my pants,
> Struggling into them a sick sort of dance.
> With fury and haste I put on a shirt,
> Running out of the bedroom on feet black with dirt.
> Buttoning my lab coat and donning a mask,
> I ran into the kitchen holding an Erlenmeyer flask.
> I nearly passed out when the man who I saw,
> dressed in containment gear sealed without flaw,
> Held high a huge sack with his arm stiff and straight,
> I could tell he must have a hard time with his weight.
> Through the mike from his suit he said without pause,
> "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, I'm Hanta Claus!"
> Over his shoulder he hefted the sack,
> We walked into the living room, I offered a snack.
> He took it and smiled, placed the sack by my bench,
> Instantly I noticed the Clostridium stench.
> Brimming with joy, I cried out with glee,
> "Did you bring all of these germies for me?"
> "Oh yes," said Hanta, "I must show propriety;
> By bringing you microbes, I'm saving society.
> "You are the only one who loves these diseases.
> Therefore I'm glad to oblige who it pleases."
> Delirious with excitement I sat by his side
> While he gave me a year's stock of microscope slides,
> And pasteur pipettes, drug resistant bacteria,
> Such as staph, strep and cultures from the genus Neisseria.
> The gleam in my eyes caused the house to be lit,
> The moment he gave me a gram-staining kit,
> Clostridium tetani, perfringens and sporogenes,
> Salmonella typhi and Streptococcus pyogenes!
> Plus viruses known to produce hepatitis,
> Herpes, and rabies, yellow fever and meningitis!
> But that was not all, he had parasites too,
> Plasmodia, trypanosomes and schistosomes true!
> Tapeworms and roundworms, plague-carrying fleas.
> How sincerely generous, Hanta did aim to please!
> At long last he said he must now go away,
> His sled was experiencing radioactive decay.
> "Thanks for the presents," I said, shaking his hand,
> "They'll keep me off the streets, you understand."
> Hanta Claus smiled and bid me goodnight,
> Shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good blight!"
> "Van der waals with boughs of holly..."
> Latin Wolf ©2002
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