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frustration/crying]

Cassandra Smith clsmith at DARWIN.BU.EDU
Thu Jul 11 11:02:51 EST 1996


Crying is a way of releasing tension. If somemone cries in a professional
situation I think it should be treated  professionally. If, whatever his name
does not know this is simply tension releasing then simply saying
"excuse me I release tension this way" should be sufficient...it is also
important to give tissues or get tissues as needed.

On the otherhand perhaps he feels helpless (and manipulated) so give
him something to do like get a tissue. 

I do not mean to minimize this...but when this has happened in my
presence I give a tissue, or go get one to give and I continue the
professional conversation. If someone is embarrassed, I say something
like "Crying is just away of releasing tension....there are others
ways, like tennis that help release tension too" and continue the
professional conversation...

Susan Jane Hogarth wrote:
> 
> Mara Casar wrote:
> >  I got frustrated and the tears started flowing
> > - I couldn't help it.  Unfortunately, he thought I was crying on purpose
> > to get sympathy!  He became even ruder and accused me of trying to get
> > him to feel sorry for me so he'd raise my grade.  The only way out of the
> > situation was major brown-nosing... which I am not proud of.
> 

> I'm not sure I understand what you mean by this. What's "major brown-nosing", how did
> it help the situation, and why was it the "only way out of the situation"?
> 

Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear.  "Major brown-nosing" - sorry, it's kind of 
vulgar - kissing up is probably a better way to phrase it.  I tried to 
explain to this man that I wasn't crying to get sympathy and to please 
overlook my emotional reaction, but I was having a hard time expressing my 
thoughts on Greek philosophy to him since they were at a very basic level 
compared to his years of work in the field, etc.  My intention was simply 
to repair the damage it appeared my tears had caused.  However, I felt I 
had to place the "blame" on myself rather than on him - i.e. "if you don't 
understand what I'm saying it must be my fault" - because I didn't know 
how else to deal with him.

I suppose my original question, then, is this: what would be a better way 
to diffuse this sort of situation?  I know that the way I handled it was 
not ideal because it made me feel (and look) like I was an idiot. There 
has to be a dignified alternative!

- -Mara
------- End of forwarded message -------



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