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married/in grad school w/children

"Tammy" L. Roust troust at shred.ugcs.caltech.edu
Thu Aug 18 01:25:04 EST 1994


In article <32tobc$18a at tierra.santafe.ede>,
C. A. Stewart <cheryl at wijiji.santafe.edu> wrote:
>
>(and No, there ARE NO women faculty there.  In physics and geophysics, 
>you usually find either one or none in a department.  In a rare, very 
>large faculty, you'll find two, at least one of them married to or banging 
                                          ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>some fatcat.) 

	I'm sorry, but you seem to have a very negative opinion of couples
in the same field that work together.  I have a personal stake in this,
since my mother was fired for working in the same hospital as my father.  
That's how they met!
	
	My mother did not work in the same department, or even the same
field as my father, since she was a med/surg nurse, and he was a pharmacist.  
Yet she was fired, the reason being "conflict of interest".  Granted, she
had been there less time than my father, but she had 15 years of nursing
under her belt, one of them spent as a nursing director.  He only had
six years of experience as a pharmacist, since he'd changed careers from
chemistry.

	I have another personal stake in this, though, and that's my own
career stake.  Just because I work in the same university as my husband 
doesn't mean that I get preferential treatment from him.  Ask anyone who
works with family and they'll tell you it's exactly the opposite.  More is
expected of you, more is required of you, and it's a lot tougher to work
at the same place as your spouse.

	If anyone, male or female gets a promotion, and their spouse is in
a position of authority, at least one person with sour grapes will make
snide comments, even if they AREN'T IN THE SAME DEPT.  That's one of the
toughest parts of working in the same organization.  It has been mentioned
that with many couples that do get positions at the same organization, one
of them has to take a position that is a little less important than the one
they would normally take.  Given a choice of doing that or not working, 
they do that.  

	Please don't bash married people who are just trying to make their
lives a little easier by working in the same place.  Most of them make a 
point of distancing themselves from their spouse's work anyway.  My biology
professor last semester, for example, had just finished his doctorate.  His
wife has two years to finish her doctorate in psychology; both are at Berkeley.
He is willing to take a lesser position at a marine research facility (he's 
an icktheologist [sp?]) rather than pursuing a faculty position at another
university while he waits for her to finish.  No, Berkeley did not offer
him a position.  When she finishes, she will have to make a concession too:
she will only be able to start a practice on the coasts.  Both of them are
from Alaska.  

	Marriage is a balance of give-and-take.  Too much of one, not enough
of the other can lead to havoc, though.

Tammy
troust at ugcs.caltech.edu
-- 
"Watch?? I'm gonna pray, Man!  Know any good religions?" -- Zaphod Beeblebrox



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