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making compromises

Paul Barton-Davis pauld at cs.washington.edu
Wed Aug 10 14:38:17 EST 1994

In article <32atk8$lv1 at agate.berkeley.edu> lmk2 at garnet.berkeley.edu (Leslie Kay) writes:
>Are their any women out there who have what they consider high-
>powered careers and have a supportive spouse who takes care of most
>of the household stuff, including childcare?  Just wondering if the
>old paradigm works in the opposite direction.

In our particular case despite our desire to do things this way
around, the peculiar details of real life intrude to make it
difficult. Because my wife (hi Beth!) is in grad school, despite the
general idea of me becoming the "stay-at-home" parent, the financial
situation makes that more difficult to accomplish.

In the more general case, if a couple are surviving financially in the
USA right now, they are almost certainly not both in graduate
school. Given the general observations from women in this group that
it can be a lot easier to have children while still a grad student,
this sort of implies that the father has a job that pays better than
grad school does, which in turn tends to make it difficult for him to
become the primary-care-parent, due to the financial impact that would

This isn't so true if you're willing to consider child care as an
option, whereupon parental duties become delivery/collection and
things in the evening/nightime/morning. Under such conditions, it
seems completely reasonable that parenting and household work be split
equally (at least) between both parents. However, for us, child care
is not an option, so we'll have to see what we can come up with.

-- paul
We are joy. We are light. We are darkness and we are night. We are hands and
heads and ears and nose. We are feet, fingers limbs and toes. We all, we all.
We are bouncing on this big world ball. We pull triggers. We play with guns.
We play with shoelaces and we twist our tongues. We are kisses, we are hugs.

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