The common thread to this discussion seems to be that there are no simple
answers to balancing an academic career & personal life. My husband & I are
both biologists, struggling to juggle 2 new careers (PhDs in 92, now at 2
universities - me tenure-track, him temporary & out of a job this year b/c
union rules). I'm not sure things get easier - our lives were complex as grad
students & moreso now. We've decided that to remain sane (& married), we would
have to take time to do some things together. Either one of us can call for
a "date" just to take a recreational break together when we are getting too
stressed out. We also took up building birdhouses together. I think it is
critical to find a balance between work & personal activities that works for
you - and grad school is a great time to work on finding that balance point.
Like someone else has said, if things get too unclear, taking a year (or more)
out to figure things out can be helpful. A friend of mine did that, came back
& finished her PhD, & she & her husband just got jobs at a university out west.
Point being, that the year out didn't hurt her career & she came back sure
of what she wanted to do with herself. Good luck!